These are products I have come across that seem absurd or ridiculous to me, but it is only my personal opinion.
10) Thudguard Baby Helmet:
I understand the importance of safety for our children, but there is a point where a parent can be detrimentally protective. I doubt my daughter would be complacent if I tried to keep a helmet on her head all day. It looks annoying and in the way of the child’s vision, plus it prevents kids from learning to be careful. If you have one of these, I understand you are just trying to protect your child, but it isn’t something I would put on my baby.baby helmet
9) Baby Toupeebaby toupee:
Speaking of baby’s head, how about a baby toupee for those poor bald babies with low self-esteem. Yes, it is a real product you can buy and I can prove it. Here is a link to the actual site. The mission statement says parenting can be a source of amusement- great let’s dress our children up and then make fun of them.
8) Heelarious-Baby’s first High Heels:
While we are on the topic of comedy at our child’s expense why don’t we throw on a pair of baby heels? The poor child is having a hard enough time learning how to walk without adding the difficulty of walking in heels too. Hmmm, what if we combined all three- safety hat with a Lil’ Kim wig underneath and some baby heels- good clean comedy for parents. Seriously, do we really need to push fashion extremes onto babies?
7) Baby Cologne:
Yep, we are trying to turn the baby into a miniature adult. I love the newborn baby smell and can’t imagine wanting to cover that up using chemicals that could be dangerous for the baby. I don’t understand how this product hasn’t bombed yet, but apparently, you can still purchase it because here it is: Johnson’s Baby Cologne.
This is a saddle for horseback riding on dad’s back. So, now that we have made fun of our children I guess it’s their turn to get revenge by subjugating daddy to humiliating servitude. If only it came with a riding crop to keep daddy in line.
5) Baby Mop:
Your baby can clean for you as they crawl around on your dirty floor. My baby would never go for this because she hates to lay on her belly, but even if she would, it would be disgusting to do that to her. Yuck, I would not do this myself, much less subject my baby (who doesn’t have a strong immune system yet) to mop the floor with her face so close to the dirt. I’m not sure if this is actually a real product or a practical joke though baby mop.
4) Nosefrida The Snotsucker
This is exactly what it sounds like, and very disgusting. Hey parents, don’t let your child suffer from their virus or sinus infection alone. Now you can share the symptoms by sucking their nose snot right into your own mouth and thereby getting the same illness. This product is so gross, I can’t believe anyone would want to purchase it.
3) Infant Inflatable Neck Ring:
This product sounds more dangerous than it probably is in reality. I’m not sure how it works without putting a strain on the baby, and the babies in the images I found do not look very happy to me. Why don’t the parents just hold their baby in the water, especially newborn babies? Or better yet, wait until the baby is old enough for more conventional floaties. I mean, look at that poor little baby, that looks very uncomfortable.
2) Window Cage:
This product has become a popular joke since it’s debut in TIME magazine’s Worst Inventions article. Another name brand for the baby cage is the Boggins’ Open-Air Sleeping Compartment, a.k.a. window crib and it is as dangerous as it sounds. I wonder how much the babies got pooped on by pigeons. Also, make sure you secure it well if your apartment is far from the ground because the baby won’t survive a fall. But wait, there is a product worse than this!
1) Psychoactive Medicine for Babies:
In our never-ending quest to silence our screaming children many brands of opiate-containing medicines were popular in the 19th century and marketed as a cure-all for babies. Mrs. Winslow’s Soothing Syrup was a common medication for fussy infants that contained morphine. It was later believed to be the cause of many infant deaths due to morphine overdose. Another common medication for babies called Stickney and Poor’s Paregoric contained opium and 92 proof alcohol and was commonly used to help babies sleep better (sometimes to never wake up) as a cure for colic, teething, or croup.